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The Same View With A New Light

by WATERMEDOWN

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1.
i'm not proud of the person i am i'm not fond of the way that i've been lately acting out, lashing out, breaking down dumping blame on everything but myself the one deserving of the void that emerged from the wait the weight that cannot be replaced the waste i've been made out to be as if you know me, as if you see how i see the world the game the portrait including the frame ignoring the caption commending the name shape shifting themselves to sustain i'm not proud of the person i am but i'm through with holding tight to every thread that i can 'cause i'd rather sew a scarf and face the merciless cold than make a blanket laced, withholding fakes that ain't got no soul are you aware that they're washing your brain? are you content with how the world is so strange? are you the kind to be cruel to those you render insane? please wake up for everyone's sake.
2.
i've kept secrets in the crevices of my apartment you disregarded my every attempt to prove everything evident instead of playing dead for once in my life now i shed time accommodating my whole life with locks and blinds in the same view with a new light that's not painted to cover up the occupants who bled here like i did who lived here like i did who died here like i did who left earth like i did who changed their perspective and clothes for a place that no one knows for a frame i named uncomfortable compared to angel wings and halos wasted time accommodating my whole life by pacing my apartment where we used to lie around in the brightest secluded space in this whole town where you never come around no, you never come around so, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain the great one has spoken i just think it's time that you opened up your eyes and thought of another before yourself it's time.
3.
Blend 02:43
entered the new dimension through self-reflection in a dim-lit room after picturing you in monroe park planted publicly alone by the landmark on the path back home far from burdened by the cold a scene that seemed to never leave my mind but now it's getting old and i've signified that place in my life as the past i am not who i was and i wish you could forgive me for that refurnished with roaches and a recall overdue i scrapped those postcards that i'd meant to send to you because i knew they'd just blend with the clutter of your bedroom floor swore you're the reason we don't talk like we used to anymore but i felt the quake, i saw the thief in my conscious sleep-paralyzed dreams and i wanted to tell you everything how i'd been playing make-believe but i was silent, self-conscious i bet i'd never have the nerve regardless but you got it all along and i never knew any better until i got gone.
4.
Redefined 03:36
how'd i get so different? when did i lose interest in the plans i followed all along? now they just feel all wrong as if i've been gone enough to leave the ghost of what you loved in me behind redefined: all-beyond belief but it's still me and everything that suits me just not whatever makes you happy anymore i've been about opening new doors and sweating on concrete basement floors not letting the world decide for me what i should be or know, but i know i know. i know. i know. i know. i know i'm not the option that you chose but could you see yourself with me? i'd be lying if i said i didn't wish that we could be friends again or anything at all could you see yourself as me? i'd be lying if i said i've never fucked up anything are we friends again or anything at all? could you leave it up to me? i'll be dying if i said i'd wait for you to choose, it seems.
5.
Dead Things 02:23
casual conversation over how we should prepare the pig for consumption begs the question if we should relish the remnants of their intestines as a side dish or call it quits come to your senses and think about what the fuck you put in your mouth there's an advertisement on the television subliminally altering subconsciously affecting the thoughts you think in the place where you feel safe another one dead is another one fed but if you can make bread with three ingredients i don't think despite it's convenience what you're doing's worth it and i doubt that those dead things in your kitchen would've consented to being eaten oh, the human goes yum while the cow goes ow.
6.
Search Box 01:42
today is the day that i don't search your name in the search box so far it's going fine i ordered corporate pie without cheese and they got it right the first time small steps, oh i got up in the morning started coffee, did something productive progress, no it turns out we were at the same place at the same time and that could have been prevented but it wasn't 'cause today i did not search your name in the search box no, today i did not search your name in the search box.
7.
Stagnant 03:18
consciousness of the problem is all but half of the battle it's the will to change that one must formulate i pose with a stretch riverside park bench underdressed for the occasion suffocating to the wind metaphorically comparing my purpose to the peace bridge like all i've ever been is a connection the dread of the road trip towering anxiety suspended above a body of the same stuff that flows through me that has been absent as of late and now i'm well aware of why i've been stagnant, paralyzed i feel nothing for anything else other than your eyes how they reflect mine how they constantly move me closer to the person i promise i'm trying to be how lately it's been evident i'm letting everyone i know down and lately i've been taking hints from people that they'd rather me not be around but i promise i'm different now believe it or not but alone here without you now i'm still lost i'm still gone i'm still.
8.
Fickle 03:54
i've got a steady job that i already can't wait to quit feels like i've been eighteen forever and i'm sick of it i just can't bear to pretend that i'm where i want to be i need this year to end before it puts an end to me i will make myself at home wherever i go anywhere but here is a place that i'd love to know i am restless, i am tired of loafing i'm ready and waiting for more i am fickle, i won't settle for keeping my feet nailed to the floor and i just can't bear to pretend that i'm where i want to be i need this year to end before it puts an end to me but i'm pathetic, i can't keep a good thing to save my life i'll never say what i mean i'll never get anything right right?
9.
pages of poison oak ordered numerical opaque unless opened and read in context of whatever i've become what life held on a bookshelf and every book on that shelf is a tale my life will tell all i know is it starts and it ends and every step that i take is a footprint on display that just can't be erased and i can't make sense of it turn the page and watch me walk away on a paper trail from where everything stays the same worn to the spine i take measure to illustrate how wide my view may it relate to you in sequence of what we've become.
10.
once upon a time, i felt young i felt love for myself over everyone now, i'm mopping the mess up marked all the cups, but nothing got done efficiently enough for my up to date acquired taste for quantifying time in terms of waste and deep breaths, the new need before i even leave my mind i opened my eyes i wish they could close on their own sometimes i wonder if i'd keep my innocence given the second chance at second glance i don't recommend it this quest for awareness this planet is poisoned it's probably best to ignore it by best, i mean painless by painless, i mean less painful there's always a little discomfort when everyone you meet is boasting unashamed to be elite i noticed the glow of your ego i noticed you degrade those people i caught wind of you sacrificing a friend for attention so does it make you feel good? does it make you feel dominant when you grip hard as you shake hands and disagree but make no effort to understand.

credits

released February 3, 2017

tracks 1-4, 7-9 recorded by Jay Zubricky at GCR Audio in Buffalo, NY
^ mixed by Seth Henderson at Always Be Genius Studios
tracks 5, 6, 10 recorded and mixed by Will Pugh in Nashville, TN
mastered by Jesse Cannon at Found Soundation
trumpet by Brent Martone
drums and percussion by Benjamin Lieber
guitar, bass, vocals, piano and cover photo by Skyci Cyan
additional vox, violin and organ by Cove Blue
additional bass by Alex Matos
track 9 co-written w/ Ace Enders in Hammonton, NJ

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