1. |
For Everyone's Sake
05:33
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i'm not proud of the person i am
i'm not fond of the way that i've been lately
acting out, lashing out, breaking down
dumping blame on everything but myself
the one
deserving of
the void that emerged from the wait
the weight that cannot be replaced
the waste i've been made out to be
as if you know me, as if you see how i see
the world
the game
the portrait including the frame
ignoring the caption commending the name
shape shifting themselves to sustain
i'm not proud of the person i am
but i'm through with holding tight
to every thread that i can 'cause i'd
rather sew a scarf and face
the merciless cold than make
a blanket laced, withholding fakes
that ain't got no soul
are you aware that they're
washing your brain?
are you content with how
the world is so strange?
are you the kind to be cruel
to those you render insane?
please wake up
for everyone's sake.
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2. |
Locks and Blinds
03:02
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i've kept secrets
in the crevices of my apartment
you disregarded my every attempt
to prove everything evident
instead of playing dead
for once in my life
now i shed time
accommodating my whole life with
locks and blinds
in the same view with a new light that's not
painted to cover up the occupants
who bled here like i did
who lived here like i did
who died here like i did
who left earth like i did
who changed their perspective and clothes
for a place that no one knows
for a frame i named uncomfortable
compared to angel wings and halos
wasted time
accommodating my whole life by
pacing my
apartment where we used to lie around
in the brightest
secluded space in this whole town
where you never come around
no, you never come around
so, pay no attention to that man
behind the curtain
the great one has spoken
i just think it's
time that you opened up your
eyes and thought of another
before yourself
it's time.
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3. |
Blend
02:43
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entered the new dimension through
self-reflection in a dim-lit room
after picturing you in monroe park
planted publicly alone by the landmark
on the path back home
far from burdened by the cold
a scene that seemed to
never leave my mind
but now it's getting old
and i've signified that
place in my life as the past
i am not who i was and
i wish you could forgive me for that
refurnished with roaches
and a recall overdue
i scrapped those postcards that
i'd meant to send to you
because i knew they'd just blend
with the clutter of your bedroom floor
swore you're the reason we don't talk
like we used to anymore
but i felt the quake, i saw the thief in
my conscious sleep-paralyzed dreams and
i wanted to tell you everything
how i'd been playing make-believe
but i was silent, self-conscious
i bet i'd never have the nerve regardless
but you got it all along
and i never knew any better
until i got gone.
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4. |
Redefined
03:36
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how'd i get so different?
when did i lose interest in
the plans i followed all along?
now they just feel all wrong
as if i've been gone
enough to leave the ghost of
what you loved in me behind
redefined: all-beyond belief
but it's still me
and everything that suits me just not
whatever makes you happy anymore
i've been about opening new doors
and sweating on concrete basement floors
not letting the world decide for me
what i should be or know, but i know
i know. i know. i know. i know. i know
i'm not the option that you chose
but could you see yourself with me?
i'd be lying if i said i didn't
wish that we could be
friends again or anything at all
could you see yourself as me?
i'd be lying if i said i've never
fucked up anything
are we friends again or anything at all?
could you leave it up to me?
i'll be dying if i said i'd wait for
you to choose, it seems.
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5. |
Dead Things
02:23
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casual
conversation
over how we should prepare the pig
for consumption
begs the question
if we should relish the remnants
of their intestines
as a side dish
or call it quits
come to your senses
and think about
what the fuck you put in your mouth
there's an advertisement
on the television
subliminally altering
subconsciously affecting
the thoughts you think
in the place where
you feel safe
another one dead is another one fed
but if you can make
bread with three ingredients
i don't think despite it's convenience
what you're doing's worth it
and i doubt
that those dead things in your kitchen
would've consented to being eaten
oh, the human goes yum
while the cow goes ow.
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6. |
Search Box
01:42
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today is the day that i don't
search your name in the search box
so far it's going fine
i ordered corporate pie without cheese
and they got it right the first time
small steps, oh
i got up in the morning
started coffee, did something productive
progress, no
it turns out we were at the same place
at the same time and that
could have been prevented
but it wasn't
'cause today i did not search
your name in the search box
no, today i did not search
your name in the search box.
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7. |
Stagnant
03:18
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consciousness of the problem is
all but half of the battle
it's the will to change
that one must formulate
i pose with a stretch
riverside park bench
underdressed for the occasion
suffocating to the wind
metaphorically comparing
my purpose to the peace bridge
like all i've ever been is a connection
the dread of the road trip
towering anxiety
suspended above a body
of the same stuff that flows
through me
that has been absent as of late
and now i'm well aware of why
i've been stagnant, paralyzed
i feel nothing
for anything else
other than your eyes
how they reflect mine
how they constantly
move me closer
to the person
i promise i'm trying to be
how lately it's been evident
i'm letting everyone i know
down
and lately i've been taking hints
from people that
they'd rather me not be around
but i promise i'm different now
believe it or not
but alone here without you now
i'm still lost
i'm still gone
i'm still.
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8. |
Fickle
03:54
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i've got a steady job
that i already can't wait to quit
feels like i've been eighteen forever
and i'm sick of it
i just can't bear to pretend that
i'm where i want to be
i need this year to end
before it puts an end to me
i will make myself at home
wherever i go
anywhere but here is
a place that i'd love to know
i am restless, i am tired of loafing
i'm ready and waiting for more
i am fickle, i won't settle for keeping
my feet nailed to the floor
and i just can't bear to pretend
that i'm where i want to be
i need this year to end before it
puts an end to me
but i'm pathetic, i can't
keep a good thing to save my life
i'll never say what i mean
i'll never get anything right
right?
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9. |
On a Paper Trail
06:38
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pages of poison oak
ordered numerical
opaque unless
opened and read
in context of
whatever i've become
what life held
on a bookshelf
and every book on that shelf
is a tale my life will tell
all i know is it starts and it ends
and every step that i take
is a footprint on display that just
can't be erased
and i can't make sense of it
turn the page
and watch me walk away
on a paper trail
from where everything stays
the same
worn to the spine i take
measure to illustrate
how wide my view
may it relate to you
in sequence of
what we've become.
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10. |
Three Long Over Ice
03:04
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once upon a time, i felt young
i felt love for myself over everyone
now, i'm mopping the mess up
marked all the cups, but
nothing got done
efficiently enough for
my up to date acquired taste for
quantifying time in terms of waste
and deep breaths, the new need
before i even leave my mind
i opened my eyes
i wish they could close on their own
sometimes
i wonder if i'd keep my innocence
given the second chance
at second glance
i don't recommend it
this quest for awareness
this planet is poisoned
it's probably best to ignore it
by best, i mean painless
by painless, i mean less painful
there's always a little discomfort
when everyone you meet is boasting
unashamed to be elite
i noticed the glow of your ego
i noticed you degrade those people
i caught wind of you sacrificing
a friend for attention
so does it make you feel good?
does it make you feel dominant
when you grip hard as you
shake hands and disagree
but make no effort to understand.
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