1. |
#1
02:00
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happy new year
from your dream boy drenched in sweat
from your best friend barely bent
to the person i thought that i knew best
but barely knew at all
from a vacant parking lot
from a kitchen with bloodshot eyes
to a new years night i won’t despise
i won’t let myself despise
i hope that new years kiss is perfect
i hope you look just as goddamn gorgeous
i hope he’s everything you’ve wanted
because you sure deserve it
yeah, you sure deserve it
i hope that everything was worth this
i hope you know that i felt worthless
i’d write more words if you were worth it
but you don’t deserve it
no, you don’t deserve it
here’s to stitching every seam
here’s to removing you from my dreams
here’s to forgetting you completely
clean and discretely
permanently.
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2. |
#2
02:08
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i’ve got a steady job that i already can’t wait to quit
feels like i’ve been eighteen forever, and i’m sick of it
i just can’t bare to pretend that i’m where i want to be
i need this year to end before it puts an end to me
i will make myself at home wherever i go
anywhere but here is a place that i’d love to know
i am restless. i am tired of loafing.
i’m ready and waiting for more
i am fickle. i won’t settle for keeping
my feet nailed to the floor
i just can’t bare to pretend that i’m where i want to be
i need this year to end before it puts an end to me
i’m pathetic. i can’t keep a good thing to save my life
i’ll never say what i mean. i’ll never get anything right.
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3. |
#3
02:15
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a red door i’d known so well before
a red door i’ll never open anymore
these long late night drives seem much shorter
and it’s time to put out this warm flame
the strong winds have fled with the winter
but i still shiver the same
if not much more these days
a red door i’d known so well before
a red door i’ll never open anymore.
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4. |
#4
02:00
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i keep to myself
my lonesome self
can’t open my mouth without crying for help
i don’t say enough
i say too much
when it’s too late to speak
when confronted with questions
i lie through my teeth
and i don’t know why
i hate myself for doing so every time
i sing in a band
a one man band
abandoned my friends for production and yet
i don’t write enough
i write too much about things that
only make sense to me
while musicians are touring the country
with songs about things that matter like
politics, dead friends,
and all else above me
while i whine because i’m lonely.
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5. |
#5
02:05
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i spend my time thinking of what could have been
i take my time analyzing every potential friend
or love
or best friend
or all of the above
and that’s not right
that’s not what i want
i spend my time pacing back and forth at night
i take my time making sure everything’s right
i waste my time hating myself for everything
i should have said or should have done
that would have saved me from losing anyone
i spend my time letting my thoughts conquer me
i take my time as i fuck up everything
i waste my time.
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6. |
#6
02:04
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i’m writing you to let you know
my resolution’s “let you go”
my resolution’s “let you go”
i’m writing you to let you know
my resolution’s “let you go”
but i still have yet to let you go…
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7. |
#7
02:06
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i pressed my fingers
down
to make sure every note rang out
so that i
would seem skilled
enough to be worthy of talking about
through recommendations not often ignored
a cure for frustration in musical form
oh, I wanna be so much more
than I am now
i kept my head
down so no
incorrect word could be
said from my mouth
i reach out
to no one
i need help
from anyone but
i am too weak and nervous of
appearing weak and nervous
i’m assurance unbound
and i wanna be so much better
than i am now.
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8. |
#8
02:01
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a blank page. a worthless find.
a crutch stored away. a friend left behind.
i can’t keep pretending i don’t mind.
i won’t keep pretending i don’t mind.
i was a wishing well, then you fished every coin.
i lived in this hell that you begged me to join.
i’ve been kept in the darkness
but now i can see the light,
and it’s far too bright for me.
a blank mind, a frame with no picture,
a garden forgotten, obstructed, and withered,
so i’d rather not sleep at night.
no, i’d rather never go home
because there i’m alone,
a right that’s now wrong,
a voice that echoes the same old song.
it’s true, and it’s all because of you.
yeah, it’s all because of you.
yeah, it’s all because of you.
yeah, it’s all because of…
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9. |
#9
02:31
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me. overcome me.
i have ruined everything as far as i can see.
wait. don’t you dare wait.
i am all but worth your time, and you cannot relate.
try. you don’t have to try.
you deserve and will have anyone you find.
sleep. you should get to sleep.
i have ruined everything that could be you and me.
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